16 - Afar

Parvati, how dare you?

Do you even care
That I want to talk to you
And giggle about Shah Rukh Khan and Amitabh
and chat about what all happened in Bangalore
with my girls, who were like my children
that makes them your granddaughters, you know
I practiced motherhood for 7 solid weeks
day in and day out
I want you to know I love my India, our India

I want you to annoy me
Hurt my feelings
Hate you for saying
you told me so
About how wrong he was for me
Why I shouldn’t wear short skirts at my age
Or eat too much, or divulge too much
Or that I think I am too big for my boots
(What’s so great about
coming and going as you please, anyway?)
That I wear lipstick all askew
which you fix
And that my buttocks are like
Two undulating claypots

I want to hear you call me ‘Sunaine’
The only who does – so honeysweet
And when I was distraught
Just like that, out of the blue
For no reason, just like that
You’d phone
And we'd talk about Shah Rukh and Amitabh
And who is having an affair with whom
Which you didn’t want to believe
Then you'd declare that you
are always delighted to talk to me
Now you don’t even call
How dare you

Sure, sure
You see it all
You are here, everywhere
Yeah, you know it all
Secrets and wishes and dreams and all
But I am limited – I don’t see, hear and know
It’s not enough.
I want to really call you
And tell you myself
Really hear you call me by that name
I want to really see you stand
Resting on one hip like Parvati does
(I did in a manner of speaking
You wore a shaded pink saree
Or was it cream with green sunbursts?
While praying to Krishna –
Felt it at that absurd ISKON temple
That sure shut my cynical self up
As I choked on my tears)

I really want to see
your big eyes grow befuddled
At my shenanigans, and ascerbic criticisms
And really scold me to find the goodness in others
Always
Now you tell me
How do I go home
If you are not there
To care and demand
That like you,
I should be soft, gracious, graceful.
When all those people will come
and cry and sing and pray and eat.
My Parvati, who stands resting on one hip,
in a shaded pink saree,
how dare you go.